Jessica Kelso

Dear Nola,

You have been alive on this earth for 2 whole years now! It’s been 6 months since I updated on life with you and that’s too long! This is about the only place I document things going on with you guys –  it’s embarrassing that I don’t update it more often. You and your brother keep me busy, that’s for sure.

I wanted one picture to sum you up as much as possible and this one was pretty fitting. Baby in one hand, cup in the other, wearing your sunglasses, and a band-aid on your knee. All you’re missing is your paci!

You love music and your favorite present from your birthday party was a guitar. I think it has something to do with having a daddy who plays guitar. You go with him every week early to church while he practices so you’ve seen a lot of it. This past week you stood behind him the whole practice and played your guitar he let you bring. I wish I could have seen it, everyone there said it was pretty stinkin’ cute! Maybe you’ll actually learn the guitar one day, something I’ve always wanted to do. You push the button on Braden’s little police car and dance to the sirens. You will dance to any music, depending on who’s around. I can tell you’re going to be an introvert like your mama but always making people smile and laugh like your daddy. I think those are some pretty good qualities, sweet girl! You’re already so sensitive to the needs of others and always wanting to please us and your brother. We’ve had very few instances of you hitting, and when you have hit – you usually regret it and are quick to say you’re sorry.

You talked about your birthday party every single day for about a month before it was here. I was so excited to wake you up that day! I asked you who you wanted to come to your party, and who you named is exactly who we invited! We wanted to keep it small, so it was just perfect!

You weigh 28lbs and are in the 50th percentile for weight and 70th for height. You’re wearing 2T clothes and love shoes more than I knew was possible at 2 years old. You love to pick out your own outfits and get yourself dressed. It usually ends up in frustration and asking for my help but you love to try! You play dress up a lot and can usually be found wearing your pink boots or brown cowgirl boots around the house.  I wish I had pictures of you wearing shoes while you sleep because you refused to take them off!

We attempted to potty train when you were 21 months but you ended up not being ready despite all of the signs we thought you were showing us. You regressed and we’ve left it completely alone. You’ve really started to hate your diaper being changed and are becoming more aware and embarrassed when you go to the bathroom, so I’m starting to wonder if we should give it another go soon. You still love you paci and baby, but the past couple of weeks I’ve started to notice you caring a little bit less about them. If you get hurt, are in the car, or going to sleep – you want them but otherwise you haven’t been asking. Baby steps! I love that you love them and it’s comforting to you. I have no plans to take that comfort away from you anytime soon. You’ll do it when you’re ready!

You copy every single thing your brother does and love him more than I ever thought would be possible. You have such a soft heart towards people and you’ve even apologized to him when he’s done something to YOU! I’ve worried so much in the past that you two wouldn’t get along – and although you have your moments and there is a lot of fighting for attention, you are his best friend and he is yours. I wouldn’t change a single thing. It was just 2 years of craziness to get to this point! There are certain toys you don’t like to share (your baby being one of them) but as long as Braden asks you first, you are almost always willing to hand it over to him. You are a big part in shaping who he will become, just like he is for you. That’s important – and my prayer is that you two will always stay close.

You love to fake laugh like your daddy, race your brother across the house, do everything yourself “do it by myself me”, and you love the show “Fresh Beat Band” and ask to watch it 1000 times a day! My mom (your grandma) loves to buy you clothes and every time you get dressed, you ask “Grandma got me this?”! I really could go on and on with the cute things you say and do. I want to get better about documenting them so I don’t forget so easily! You love to count and say your ABC’s which go something like, “A, B, C, G, J, K, L, Z” . It blows me away how well you can form sentences. You are one smart little lady.

You just got your first hair cut last week, and I really wanted to save it but we somehow managed to lose it!! Your daddy was in charge of that one I just trimmed your bangs because they were always getting in your face, so I’ll just make sure to save the hair from your first real hair cut! You look like such a big girl now, I can hardly stand it.

I’ve had a really hard time with you turning 2. It’s such a huge step away from baby and into toddler hood. I love experiencing life with you though! Everything is so fun and exciting and I’m trying to live my life more through the eyes of you and Braden. I can’t wait to see what’s in store for us this next year of your life!!

Love you to the moon and back,

Mama

I was able to listen in on a conference call yesterday with a woman who specializes in childhood trauma and is also a foster parent herself. She was talking to a new foster mom with a 2.5 year old little girl in her care. It’s her first foster child and she has only been there a week. The foster mom was able to ask questions about how to respond to tantrums, how to respond when she asks where her mom is, and lots of other similar topics. This conversation was not about Braden whatsoever but something clicked in me and I learned so much from that hour phone call.

Halfway through I was in tears- sobbing mess tears. Hearing what that little girl has gone through and also thinking about what Braden experienced was so overwhelming. I was so happy that this foster mom was being taught information regarding her new placement but sad that we never learned it 2.5 years ago. We were never taught how to parent a child who has suffered trauma. This little girl was in a foster home with 3 other small children previously and wasn’t doing so well. There are very few foster homes that have no other children so the fact that this new home had
none was wonderful for her and so far she was doing really well. Juli (the trauma specialist) was explaining why. She was explaining how much chaos her brain has been in most likely since she was born so that is what she is used to….chaos. Chaos not meaning what we think of as adults, but things that can cause chaos in a newborn’s brain -like not being attached to your mom, not being fed exactly when hungry, not having your basic needs met. So when this little girl went into a foster home that was any form of chaos (3 children under the age of 3 – no matter how amazing the parents are, there is of course going to be chaos) she responded negatively. The information she gave her was amazing.

Knowing that we couldn’t spank Braden and then later making the decision to never spank – we’ve always sought out an alternative. We’ve always practiced gentle discipline with him but recently I’ve felt there’s something more going on than just normal 3 year old behaviors. My eyes were opened to the fact that although Braden has had a safe and loving home, he has still had so much chaos in his life. Getting pregnant just three months into having him meant I didn’t feel good very often (rough beginning and end of pregnancy) and was never able to meet all his needs completely. I met the obvious needs, but not the need for a calm and peaceful environment. He’s always been somewhat of a challenge, even as a baby so I always needed a lot of help. A couple of weeks before I was due to deliver Nola, we put Braden in daycare to help me out. He was so active and I was just physically exhausted. He ended up getting kicked out shortly after Nola was born for biting over 22 times. He was just 17 months old, still a baby himself. I never understood it. Then all of a sudden he had to share us with another baby while he was still a baby himself. For most kids, this is a hard adjustment but I think it was especially hard for him because he was still bonding with us. Then all of a sudden, daddy is gone all of the time (new job traveling) and mommy is always sick and in bed with the new baby (mastitis). Different family members stepped in and helped so much, but mommy and daddy weren’t there like he needed. Chaos. When I’ve been running on empty and my patience is low I’ve found myself yelling. My mom was spanked often (hit with anything around her mom could find) and she tried to avoid being that way with us, so she yelled. I’ve found myself falling into the same pattern but I refuse to accept that.

I’m not trying to dwell on the past or feel guilty for what’s happened but I am trying to learn what we need to do to fix this. He deserves calm and I’m now on a mission to give him that. This week we have been incredibly intentional about our time with him. Kevin did a guys night where they went to Circle B Bar Reserve and hunted alligators and snakes together. I got a sitter for Nola so we could go see a movie together. When I’ve wanted to yell because he’s woken Nola up in the morning for the 3rd time this week – I pray and breathe instead before I talk to him. These past two days I have seen such a positive change in him and to see it when we step it up is enough confirmation for me to know that he will improve when we improve. He will be calm when we can be calm – in our every day life with him and in our big life decisions. I’m not giving up on this little boy. God isn’t giving up on this little boy. He deserves so much more. He doesn’t need therapy or medicine. He needs more calm – less chaos.

Dear BRADEN! (I’ve waited 2.5 years to say your name on here!),

This feels like a long awaited dream come true. I will never forget the details from the day we first met you. We had just gotten back from a vacation with your grandma and papa in Georgia a couple of days before and were hoping for the call from the agency to have our first foster child placed with us. October 22, 2009 was the day, it was a Thursday probably around 4pm. Your daddy was at work when I got the call that they had a little boy needing a home. They gave me some information about you and your case, then towards the end of the call they said your birthday. May 20 – the same as mine. I instantly thought, “of course he can come stay with us!!”. I called your daddy at work and could hardly contain my excitement. I didn’t give him all that much information besides your birthday and he was completely game. I was a nervous wreck. We had the crib put together but otherwise not much since we had an age range of babies we were willing to take in (newborn-2) so we were planning to get whatever we needed once we knew. So I started making a list of everything we’d need to go out and buy that night. The case worker dropped you off probably around 6pm and I just remember thinking, “he’s 5 months old?!”. You were a chunker from the start! 20 pounds to be exact! You had your two little bottom teeth and a head full of dark spunky hair. You looked confused and a little scared. I was so excited yet so heartbroken thinking what you were going through. I knew you were safe and already loved but at 5 months you didn’t know that just yet. We gave you a bath for the first time – which was funny because we had no idea if you sat up yet (really didn’t know the time table either of when most babies start sitting up!) so it was an experience for all of us.

From there – we had some long rough nights. I would rock you for hours. You would be so exhausted but would refuse to let your tense body relax and give in. You just wanted to check out your surroundings. It was weird going from just the two of us to having a 5 month old. We completely fell in love with you though. Your big brown eyes just melted me. People were constantly saying how much you favored me – and I would never tell them it wasn’t really possible.

I know you were born on May 20, 2009 for a reason. You are going to do some amazing things, little one. Since that first day I’ve prayed for your protection – in whatever way it was possible. I always hoped it would be with us but was never sure. We (our whole family) are proof that we have an amazing God who cares about us more than we could ever know.

So yesterday was the day! May 29th – 2012. A little over 2.5 years since first meeting you – and you are officially a Kelso! The ceremony was set for 2pm but there was only one judge doing all of the adoptions for the day and he got held up. He was over an hour late and then out of the 6-7 families there to finalize their adoptions – we were last. For missing naps completely – things could have been a LOT worse. You and Nola were just exhausted and going crazy having nothing to play with. Needless to say, it was a memorable day! Both of your grandmas, your papa, Aunt Juda, and cousin Caleb were all there to celebrate with us. The adoption attorney asked your daddy why we wanted to adopt you and before he could even give his answer – he teared up. You are so special to him, Braden. You will never know how much you’ve changed our lives for the best! After that – there were only a few dry eyes in the room.

We’ve tried explaining it to you the best we know how – but I don’t think you’ll be able to grasp it for a while. There was cake as we celebrated with family later that evening and I think you felt like it was just an extension of your birthday party since you asked where the presents were! That’s good for now. I want to always be honest with you. When you get old enough and have questions, I want to answer them for you. I want you to always know how special you are.

You are now 3 years old!!!!! I can’t believe it. You proudly hold 3 fingers up to show it too! You love dinosaurs and making the “rawr’ sound, you love airplanes and will stop dead in your tracks if we’re outside and you hear one. Same goes with trains. You are happiest in the dirt or water (mixed is the best!) and you love rocks/sticks. You are ALL boy, baby. You weigh around 34lbs and are growing taller every day! We celebrated you with a dinosaur themed party at the park on your actual birthday. I loved watching you interact and enjoy all of your friends and family being in the same room.

You are loud. Constantly. You never stop moving unless you are asleep or really intrigued by a show on TV. We are starting to see your heart and softer side come out a whole lot more lately. When you accidentally knock Nola down – you are quick to apologize and tell her it was an accident. She rarely ever minds. She wakes up in the morning and goes to bed at night saying your name. You are her best friend, that’s for sure.

You make me laugh with all of the silly things you say! You like to copy what you hear and it’s been funny to hear a 3 year old say some of the weird random things I say. My stomach was hurting a couple of days ago and I mentioned that my “stomach was so jacked up” and you kept saying your stomach was so jacket-ed up. Ahhh – haha I am learning to word things differently so you don’t take on my random sayings!

I regret not going with my instincts more when you were little. I think I felt like since I didn’t birth you, I didn’t have those motherly instincts I was supposed to have so I sought out too much advice from friends/family members, books, and internet. Those things can be helpful but I’ve since learned I did indeed have that mama gut response to you, I just didn’t realize it. Things haven’t come easy for us as your parents – but we are learning daily how to be better parents to you along with learning how to accept you as you are.  We’re gonna mess up though, I can promise you that….but we will always try. We will always try to listen. We will always try to give you the benefit of the doubt. We will always try to give you respect and will also expect it in return. We will always try to be patient. We will always try to apologize when wrong and hope the same from you. We will always try to keep our promises. We will always try to pray for you daily and share God’s love.

Thanks for being mine.

We love you so very much,

Mama

“Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone, but still miraculously my own. Never forget for a single minute: you weren’t born under my heart, but in it.” – Fleur Conkling

Yesterday was a super emotional day for me. Being celebrated as a mom is always nice – but there’s nothing like a simple and fun day with the family. You know those moments when you just sit back and take a deep breath as you look around at the amazing things (people) you’ve been blessed with? I’ve never had as many of those moments in one day as I did yesterday. My heart was extremely full to say the least. We ended the night rocking both of our babies to sleep and coming out with tears galore. Kevin hasn’t had to travel since the beginning of January but he left this morning to start a new project in NY. It’s a 6 month long project where he’ll be traveling every other week except in the beginning and end – it’ll be 2 or 3 weeks in a row (home on the weekends though). Nola knew something was wrong and as Kevin rocked her to sleep – she wrapped her arms around his neck and wouldn’t let go.

Heart broken.

She woke up asking for him and has continued to do so all day long. She was pretty young when he traveled last year and not yet verbal so she wasn’t able to express missing daddy. This is going to be tough. As of today I have had little desire to clean or make a healthy dinner for the kids. It’s hard knowing nobody is coming home to enjoy it. Hoping to wake up tomorrow and be slightly over this funk. My kids need me to be over it – that’s for sure.

Dear Nola,

You are 1.5 years old!! Where did my 8 pound 14 ounce little baby girl go?! I’m so upset because I had been writing an update here and there since I did your last update at 12 months but the post seems to be missing. Unfortunately I don’t have the greatest memory so this makes me terribly sad! I will try my best.

You have grown and matured so much since I last updated this around your first birthday! You make us all smile and laugh so much every day.

After cutting out some nursing sessions a little bit before you turned 1 – you decided to completely wean on your own. I was so glad you were able to make that decision but also sad that we couldn’t keep going. You had started to just nurse right before your nap and bedtime – and I stopped getting clogged ducts so I thought that was going to be our magic answer – but you were ready! It was a sad and happy time for me – and I still think about it often. A couple of days ago I was reading you a book before your nap and the way you were cuddled up made me think about how much I missed those cuddles when you were still nursing. After a busy morning out – it’s nice to just be able to sit down and relax in that way. I talked to you a little bit about it and a few minutes later as I was reading – you looked up at me with a huge smile and cuddled in tight. I know it was your way of letting me know that we can still cuddle without that. You are such a sweet soul, Nola P.

Your vocabulary has really exploded over the past couple of months. You can say mama, dada, bubba (brother), doggie, dina (dinosaur), airpane (airplane), wawa (water), grandma, papa, dowwie (doggie), shoe, more, please, (dank-ou) thank you, melmo (elmo), nana (banana), cheese, outside, oatmeal, dapper (diaper), park, ball, eye, nose, mouth, opa (open), room, breakfast, pancakes, snack, crackers, piggies, choo choo, boo boo, poo poo, blankie, birdie, apple, tummy, cup, baby, paba (paci), phone, cow/moo, duck/quck, monkey/ohh ohh, owl/whoo whoo, horse/neigh. . . and I’m sure a lot more that I’m missing!! Anytime we ask you to repeat a word – you give it a good try!

If we can’t find you at any given time when we’re home – 95% of the time you’re in your shoes. I find it really funny how much you love shoes already and hate being dirty. Having a brother who loves all things dirt – I’d assume you’d be different! I really think you might have as many shoes I do and I’m convinced you can even match what goes with your outfit. You have started to love picking out your clothes as well! My little girly girl.

You currently go to bed anywhere from 8-9pm and wake up around 8am. This is just an average though. You’re our little night owl and love to have nights with us to yourself (minus brother who is almost always asleep by 8 or 9!). We were starting to get a little exhausted by your 10-11pm nights, so I finally started waking you up from your 3-4 hour afternoon nap earlier (after about 2 hrs) and now you’re back to being tired by 8 or 9! Problem solved. You got to where you loved sleeping in our bed (which we were more than okay with) but now you seem to be back to sleeping in your crib most every night. I loved having you close, but respect your need for your own space!

We went through a rough month or two with sleep when you were getting some molars in but things have finally gotten better – and we’ve all been rested up lately. So as of right now – you have 12 little teeth!

You still love to eat more than anything else in the world! I’m so thankful you are willing to try anything and everything and hope that isn’t going to change anytime soon. I’ve never seen a baby who eats like you do.

You love to copy your brother. If he starts spinning around in circles being silly – you are right beside him doing the same thing. If he falls down, you fall down. Your newest copy  is attempting to jump from the ottoman to the couch like him! Not good baby girl…not good! I dropped him off at Aunt Juda’s last week to play with your cousin Caleb, and you had so many tears when he left our car. You do not like him leaving. I love how much you love him and hope that never changes. He adores you as well.

You love books despite how bad we were in the beginning about reading them to you! You are always bringing books over to the couch and patting beside you for us to sit down and read them. No matter how busy I might be, it’s almost impossible to tell you no. Most of your favorites involve animals and mommy making crazy animal sounds! You are still slightly infatuated with your baby (lovey) and pacifier. We went to the pool with some friends a few weeks back and you were having a really tough time making the decision between playing in the water and holding your (cloth) baby. So you would sit in my lap stroking the baby on your face for a few minutes and then pass baby off to me so you could play for a few minutes. Ahhh! We have two of them that I am constantly washing them because they get so dirty going everywhere with you. It doesn’t bother us though. I love that you have something so sweet to comfort you. If only we could start working on that pacifier though….! You wake up so incredibly happy – never a tear. I usually don’t even hear you wake up – I have to go in and check on you. There’s nothing better than seeing your smiling face first thing in the morning, little love. You are a runner and love to play chase. We’re working on when it’s okay to run away and when it’s not. . . diaper changes seem to be your favorite time to play which makes mama a little exhausted! You have such a sensitive and playful little spirit. You love to make people laugh – and will make a “silly face” on cue. Your facial expressions (mainly your mouth) are always changing and so hilarious. If I have to correct a behavior – you look me directly in the eyes and nod your head yes the whole time. It’s hard not to crack a smile every time! When we ask you how much we love you, you open up your arms real wide and say “thisss much”! I’m glad you know it baby girl.

Since you turned 1 – you’ve gotten to dress up on Halloween as a little monster, celebrate Christmas and meet some new family members, have fun with some little friends on Valentine’s Day, and just recently celebrated Easter! We’ve had so much fun with you and there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t thank God for making us your parents. You have blessed our lives more than we ever knew was possible.

We love you “thisss much”!!

- Mama

So in an attempt to really change the way we eat and the way we think about food – I started to somewhat document what I was feeding the kids for lunch. We eat really well for breakfast and dinner but lunches have always been more of a challenge for me when it came to the kids – and myself to be honest. Since going meat free – lunch meat sandwiches were no longer an option (for me, we never really fed the kids lunch meat). B loves peanut butter and honey sandwiches on Ezekiel bread but that was becoming a daily habit because it was so easy for me to make. Although honey is great for numerous reasons – it’s still a form of sugar that I didn’t want him eating too much of. A friend of mine had asked a couple of us other moms what we were eating for lunch and feeding our kids so I also thought it’d be helpful to start snapping some pictures of what we made in attempts to make a blog post about it – and possibly help some other mama’s in their daily quest for healthy lunches!

I’ve yet to become one of those “cool moms” who cuts their kids food in super cute shapes for them – so the appearance isn’t anything fancy. Sorry if that’s disappointing :)

Whole wheat organic tortilla filled with homemade refried beans (pinto beans in the crockpot – so easy!), sour cream (Breakstone’s  All Natural Sour Cream – 2 ingredients compared to the 20+ in their low fat and fat free kind!), diced organic avocado, and raw jalapeno pepper jack cheese. A side of sliced up organic apples and leftover lentil soup (lentils, onions, kale, veggie broth, spices, and tomatoes). And YES – my girl ate almost all of this!!

 Organic whole wheat pasta with olive oil and fresh parmesean cheese sprinkled on top, organic raisins and cucumbers, with a side of greek yogurt.

Ezekiel brand english muffins topped with organic tomato sauce and fresh mozzarella cheese – toasted with a side of fresh organic mango and frozen peas.

Whole wheat taco shell crunched up with crumbled tofu, corn, spinach, and feta cheese with a side of crock pot black beans.

Steel cut oats with organic fresh strawberries and real maple syrup. They both love this breakfast!

Ezekiel bread toasted with olive oil drizzled on, avocado smashed up, and a little sea salt on top. With a side of organic raisins and apples.

Organic mango popsicle cut up – great snack!

Whole wheat tortilla with homemade hummus, colby jack cheese, and snap pea crisps with a side of organic kiwi and apple. I usually roll the tortilla up and slice it into little pieces for Nola!

Breakfast – ezekiel bread with homemade organic strawberry jam, fresh strawberries, and an egg omelet with spinach, cheese, and salsa.

Organic peanut butter and strawberry jam sandwich, raw walnuts, Annie’s mac n cheese, and sliced organic apples.

I am going to attempt to keep up with this and possibly post another entry so I can stay accountable and make sure my kids are eating something other than peanut butter and honey every day! And if you’re wondering why all the pictures are of my daughter – it’s because I’m still trying to be good about not posting photos of B in my blog. The adoption should be finalized SOON and that will change though!!

Since becoming licensed to take foster kids in our home, we’ve only ever had B who came in October of 2009 right after we got our license. We recently started throwing around the idea of doing short-term, emergency style care as needed since we aren’t really looking to add anyone else to our family right now. Things have finally calmed down – I’m no longer sick all of the time, Kevin isn’t traveling and although he will be traveling again soon it won’t be near as much as it was last year, and B has really turned into a great little kid. So what else would we do when things calm down? Add more chaos! We really want to help kids. We both have a huge heart for it and it’s been hard putting that on a back burner to take care of us and our own family. The agency we go through had started calling a lot more recently so we really felt like they were struggling to get kids placed into homes. After a couple of times saying we couldn’t and we didn’t think the kids were ready, we finally said yes. They had about 6-8 kids that needed placement within a couple of days (ages ranging from newborn-5years) and a lot of foster parents were currently out of town. The 8 month old needed a place to stay that night, so I said we would try it out with no guarantees. He came Thursday night after we had ate dinner and the kids had baths. He had a really runny nose and seemed to be teething. The case manager took him to the doctor on Friday for a physical and turns out he had an ear infection so they started him on antibiotics and ear drops.

He was miserable the whole time he was here. He was scared, he didn’t really care for me and only wanted Kevin, he was sick, and he was exhausted from not sleeping well. From my understanding he had been in at least 4-5 homes in the past 3 months and that’s just way too much for a little baby to go through after being taken out of the only home and family he knows. We loved on him, cuddled him, rocked him to sleep every single time he woke up, and did the best we could to give him a happy environment for the time he was here. Sunday afternoon, Nola and B both woke up with a fever and feeling miserable. She threw up and B had this horrible cough. . . so last night was an incredibly long night with 3 sick kids.
This morning a case worker came and got the little man and I have no idea where he will go from here. I felt guilty for letting out a sigh of relief when he was gone and also felt sick to my stomach that he had to yet again have a long tiring day while sick and see a whole bunch of new faces. The whole weekend I tried to come up with ways to keep him, ways to deal with 3 kids under 3 but it just wouldn’t work. I don’t want to help other kids at the sacrifice of my own and they aren’t ready for another sibling right now. At this point, all I can do is pray that he’s placed in his forever home or that his mom works really hard to get him back. Every kid deserves a family and a little bit of normalcy.

Things are finally starting to get back to normal over here as much as possible despite both kids being super clingy and whiny since they don’t feel well. Since not juicing in almost a week and not getting any sleep at night. . . my energy level is super low. I really want to avoid getting what the kids have – so I’m going to start juicing again tonight. Maybe I’ll even get a full nights sleep sometime soon!

Something that’s been on my mind a lot lately is breastfeeding. I miss nursing Nola but that’s not really what I’ve been thinking about! I’ve been thinking about how sad it is there aren’t more pediatricians and OB/GYN’s who make breastfeeding the norm.

The AAP has recently come out saying that they want parents to think of breastfeeding as not just a lifestyle choice, but as an investment in the short-and long-term health of their newborn. Pediatricians say they have to follow the guidelines that the AAP put out so why aren’t most of them promoting what they have to say about breastfeeding? Why is it not part of the newborn’s first checkup for the doctor to watch the baby nurse to check for a good latch and then follow up with a new mom that nursing is still going well 1 week, 2 weeks, and 1+ months later? Why is giving a newborn shots for sexually transmitted diseases at birth required but not a quick check up to make sure they are receiving exactly what they need for optimal health and growth? I’m not trying to blame pediatricians for their lack of knowledge when it comes to breastfeeding, but why aren’t they being taught more about it?

We had a great pediatrician who was very informed and supportive about breastfeeding. She was studying to become an IBCLC and I believe she is one now. We left the practice due to conflicts of interest regarding vaccines but I’m so glad to know she is out there being a great support to new moms and hopefully encouraging more doctors to get on board with helping moms meet long term goals.

I get some women have problems nursing their babies (remember. . . I had mastitis 11 times, sore nipples for 12 months straight, a newborn who wouldn’t latch for days, and an overabundance of milk). I also am aware that there’s a very small number of women who actually don’t produce enough milk to breastfeed exclusively (small as in like 2-3%!). I battle this constantly – knowing how to promote breastfeeding in a positive light without offending those who feel any kind of guilt over not breastfeeding. I’ve gone back and forth on whether or not I want to become a lactation consultant to help others for this reason. I still have too many negative feelings towards my own breastfeeding relationship that I’m trying to work through that I just don’t know if I’m ready to sincerely – without judgement – help others. I still sometimes feel sick to my stomach when I hear most of the excuses women give for ending their nursing relationship prematurely. Once you have a baby – it’s not just about you anymore. It’s not about your lifestyle, your comfort, and your needs. It’s all about that new baby. . . and that baby deserves the best. It also makes me sick to know that most women end it because a lack of information and support.

I found this and had to share! It’s a list of questions to ask a potential pediatrician for your new baby. . .

Tips from Laurie Jones, MD, IBCLC:

• How long do you recommend a child be breastfed?
• Do you routinely supplement breastfed babies?
• Do you have an IBCLC in your office?
• Do you have a resource list for breastfeeding help if I need it?
• Is anyone on your staff specially trained to help breastfeeding mothers?
• Do you encourage mothers to nurse in your waiting room?
• Do you have handouts or other support materials for breastfeeding mothers?
• Do you encourage mothers to nurse if they desire while the baby has shots or other procedures?
• When do you recommend solids be introduced?
• When do you recommend a child be weaned from breast milk?
• Do many of your patients reach the recommended 12 month mark for breast feeding?
• Do you use the 2010 CDC growth charts based on breastfed infants?
• Do you offer formula bags to your breastfeeding patients?
• Does the office display formula brochures or formula bags in the front office area or exam rooms?
• How do you feel about extended nursing and child-led weaning?
• What resources do you use to check if a drug is safe in breast milk?

Boldness but still loving – helping but not judging. That is my goal!

At church not long ago our pastor had been talking about praying big prayers and it really encouraged me to change my prayer life. Almost every single time I sat down in our car I thanked God for giving it to us but let Him know how frustrated I was about the size and made my request for a bigger vehicle. We’ve been working our butts off to get out of debt – so a car payment was completely not an option for us. We really weren’t sure how to go about selling it since it would leave us with only Kevin’s tiny little pick up truck and then we would feel rushed to purchase a new one. We paid quite a bit for it about 4 or 5 years ago – so we just really didn’t want to lose a ton of money by trading it in for something else. Needless to say, we felt somewhat stuck and I was learning to just deal with what we had.

My cousin’s wife came over a few weeks back to pick something up and I noticed she wasn’t driving the car I had seen her drive before. I said I liked her ride and she let me know that it was her husband’s and they were trying to get rid of it to look for something smaller. I told her we had something small and were hoping for something bigger. A couple of phone calls and prayers later, we had made a deal on swapping cars. Both cars were paid off but ours was worth a little bit more so they made us an offer. So not only do we now have a car that is better suited for our needs (MUCH more space!), but we also have some extra money to throw down towards debt. Win-win!

After we got the car Saturday morning, we wanted to test out the new space we had by taking a last minute trip to the beach! B hadn’t been to the beach since he was about 13 months old and Nola had only been once when she was about 5 or 6 months, so it was time! Seeing their reactions to the sand and water was priceless. They had so much fun and we had a blast watching (chasing) them! The wind and waves were ridiculous which made the water a little scary. Neither of them seemed to have any qualms with it though. Both of them crashed hard that night and slept really well, so I think I see beach trips happening a whole lot this summer. I really am so glad we live where we do. I never imagined staying in Florida and raising kids here but now I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.

I love my life.

Quiet house, The Civil Wars playing in my ears, laundry is done, a really good week is coming to a close, and a girl’s night is planned for later tonight…doesn’t get much better than that! The kids and myself  have had a really fun week together. It was warm enough to bust out the kiddie pool which of course they had a blast in! I have noticed more and more that their attitudes and behavior on any given day is mostly determined by my attitude and behavior. Happy mama = happy kiddos. It’s not always easy but something I’m working on daily.

As of yesterday, Kevin has lost 17lbs and I’ve lost 8lbs (in 2 months!). We still have some work but it feels nice to get back to “healthy”! I’ve never felt better and I’ve also never ate better, coincidence?! I’ve really wanted to start running again but every time I do, I get incredibly discouraged by the pain I have to deal with in my shoulders from pushing a double stroller. A couple of years ago, I was diagnosed with bursitis/tendinitis in my shoulders and although with rehab the pain got slightly better, they’ve never fully healed. I also have a lot of neck and back pain. I’ve been hesitant to see a chiropractor about it (for a lot of reasons) but I had one highly recommended by some friends. . . so I took a leap of faith and have been seeing him and will be seeing him for the next 6 months! I believe in the body’s ability to heal itself without medicine and surgery and I also believe in BIG prayers – so I’m believing there is an end to this pain! I was able to run before kids but now I can’t seem to find much time to do it without them and pushing them in the double stroller – having my arms elevated is so incredibly painful! I can’t wait to be able to run with them – pain free! I have been walking at least 5 days a week (which oddly enough doesn’t seem to bother my shoulders too bad!) so I know that is helping some.

Kevin has been assigned to a new project at work starting next month and guess where it is? New York! The only place that would’ve been better is possibly somewhere in the Caribbean but I can’t complain! He has enough flying miles built up for 1 ticket round trip so we’re really hoping it’ll work out for me to go up one weekend without the kids. We’ve both been to NYC but never together, so I really can’t think of a better date! The project will be about b 6 or 7 months and WILL be minimal travel. I am definitely not looking forward to him being gone again – but we’re all in such a better place that I’m not dreading it at all. Knowing what we went through last year and made it out okay gives me a huge sense of peace that I can face just about anything.

As far as my goal for having dinners prepped and ready when Kevin got home – I got an A+!  Our nights felt a lot more relaxed and fun having that extra time together after dinner. I am going to try my hardest to keep it up.

This year is all about becoming the best person I can – inside and out. It’s going pretty well so far!