Jessica Kelso

Since becoming licensed to take foster kids in our home, we’ve only ever had B who came in October of 2009 right after we got our license. We recently started throwing around the idea of doing short-term, emergency style care as needed since we aren’t really looking to add anyone else to our family right now. Things have finally calmed down – I’m no longer sick all of the time, Kevin isn’t traveling and although he will be traveling again soon it won’t be near as much as it was last year, and B has really turned into a great little kid. So what else would we do when things calm down? Add more chaos! We really want to help kids. We both have a huge heart for it and it’s been hard putting that on a back burner to take care of us and our own family. The agency we go through had started calling a lot more recently so we really felt like they were struggling to get kids placed into homes. After a couple of times saying we couldn’t and we didn’t think the kids were ready, we finally said yes. They had about 6-8 kids that needed placement within a couple of days (ages ranging from newborn-5years) and a lot of foster parents were currently out of town. The 8 month old needed a place to stay that night, so I said we would try it out with no guarantees. He came Thursday night after we had ate dinner and the kids had baths. He had a really runny nose and seemed to be teething. The case manager took him to the doctor on Friday for a physical and turns out he had an ear infection so they started him on antibiotics and ear drops.

He was miserable the whole time he was here. He was scared, he didn’t really care for me and only wanted Kevin, he was sick, and he was exhausted from not sleeping well. From my understanding he had been in at least 4-5 homes in the past 3 months and that’s just way too much for a little baby to go through after being taken out of the only home and family he knows. We loved on him, cuddled him, rocked him to sleep every single time he woke up, and did the best we could to give him a happy environment for the time he was here. Sunday afternoon, Nola and B both woke up with a fever and feeling miserable. She threw up and B had this horrible cough. . . so last night was an incredibly long night with 3 sick kids.
This morning a case worker came and got the little man and I have no idea where he will go from here. I felt guilty for letting out a sigh of relief when he was gone and also felt sick to my stomach that he had to yet again have a long tiring day while sick and see a whole bunch of new faces. The whole weekend I tried to come up with ways to keep him, ways to deal with 3 kids under 3 but it just wouldn’t work. I don’t want to help other kids at the sacrifice of my own and they aren’t ready for another sibling right now. At this point, all I can do is pray that he’s placed in his forever home or that his mom works really hard to get him back. Every kid deserves a family and a little bit of normalcy.

Things are finally starting to get back to normal over here as much as possible despite both kids being super clingy and whiny since they don’t feel well. Since not juicing in almost a week and not getting any sleep at night. . . my energy level is super low. I really want to avoid getting what the kids have – so I’m going to start juicing again tonight. Maybe I’ll even get a full nights sleep sometime soon!

Something that’s been on my mind a lot lately is breastfeeding. I miss nursing Nola but that’s not really what I’ve been thinking about! I’ve been thinking about how sad it is there aren’t more pediatricians and OB/GYN’s who make breastfeeding the norm.

The AAP has recently come out saying that they want parents to think of breastfeeding as not just a lifestyle choice, but as an investment in the short-and long-term health of their newborn. Pediatricians say they have to follow the guidelines that the AAP put out so why aren’t most of them promoting what they have to say about breastfeeding? Why is it not part of the newborn’s first checkup for the doctor to watch the baby nurse to check for a good latch and then follow up with a new mom that nursing is still going well 1 week, 2 weeks, and 1+ months later? Why is giving a newborn shots for sexually transmitted diseases at birth required but not a quick check up to make sure they are receiving exactly what they need for optimal health and growth? I’m not trying to blame pediatricians for their lack of knowledge when it comes to breastfeeding, but why aren’t they being taught more about it?

We had a great pediatrician who was very informed and supportive about breastfeeding. She was studying to become an IBCLC and I believe she is one now. We left the practice due to conflicts of interest regarding vaccines but I’m so glad to know she is out there being a great support to new moms and hopefully encouraging more doctors to get on board with helping moms meet long term goals.

I get some women have problems nursing their babies (remember. . . I had mastitis 11 times, sore nipples for 12 months straight, a newborn who wouldn’t latch for days, and an overabundance of milk). I also am aware that there’s a very small number of women who actually don’t produce enough milk to breastfeed exclusively (small as in like 2-3%!). I battle this constantly – knowing how to promote breastfeeding in a positive light without offending those who feel any kind of guilt over not breastfeeding. I’ve gone back and forth on whether or not I want to become a lactation consultant to help others for this reason. I still have too many negative feelings towards my own breastfeeding relationship that I’m trying to work through that I just don’t know if I’m ready to sincerely – without judgement – help others. I still sometimes feel sick to my stomach when I hear most of the excuses women give for ending their nursing relationship prematurely. Once you have a baby – it’s not just about you anymore. It’s not about your lifestyle, your comfort, and your needs. It’s all about that new baby. . . and that baby deserves the best. It also makes me sick to know that most women end it because a lack of information and support.

I found this and had to share! It’s a list of questions to ask a potential pediatrician for your new baby. . .

Tips from Laurie Jones, MD, IBCLC:

• How long do you recommend a child be breastfed?
• Do you routinely supplement breastfed babies?
• Do you have an IBCLC in your office?
• Do you have a resource list for breastfeeding help if I need it?
• Is anyone on your staff specially trained to help breastfeeding mothers?
• Do you encourage mothers to nurse in your waiting room?
• Do you have handouts or other support materials for breastfeeding mothers?
• Do you encourage mothers to nurse if they desire while the baby has shots or other procedures?
• When do you recommend solids be introduced?
• When do you recommend a child be weaned from breast milk?
• Do many of your patients reach the recommended 12 month mark for breast feeding?
• Do you use the 2010 CDC growth charts based on breastfed infants?
• Do you offer formula bags to your breastfeeding patients?
• Does the office display formula brochures or formula bags in the front office area or exam rooms?
• How do you feel about extended nursing and child-led weaning?
• What resources do you use to check if a drug is safe in breast milk?

Boldness but still loving – helping but not judging. That is my goal!

At church not long ago our pastor had been talking about praying big prayers and it really encouraged me to change my prayer life. Almost every single time I sat down in our car I thanked God for giving it to us but let Him know how frustrated I was about the size and made my request for a bigger vehicle. We’ve been working our butts off to get out of debt – so a car payment was completely not an option for us. We really weren’t sure how to go about selling it since it would leave us with only Kevin’s tiny little pick up truck and then we would feel rushed to purchase a new one. We paid quite a bit for it about 4 or 5 years ago – so we just really didn’t want to lose a ton of money by trading it in for something else. Needless to say, we felt somewhat stuck and I was learning to just deal with what we had.

My cousin’s wife came over a few weeks back to pick something up and I noticed she wasn’t driving the car I had seen her drive before. I said I liked her ride and she let me know that it was her husband’s and they were trying to get rid of it to look for something smaller. I told her we had something small and were hoping for something bigger. A couple of phone calls and prayers later, we had made a deal on swapping cars. Both cars were paid off but ours was worth a little bit more so they made us an offer. So not only do we now have a car that is better suited for our needs (MUCH more space!), but we also have some extra money to throw down towards debt. Win-win!

After we got the car Saturday morning, we wanted to test out the new space we had by taking a last minute trip to the beach! B hadn’t been to the beach since he was about 13 months old and Nola had only been once when she was about 5 or 6 months, so it was time! Seeing their reactions to the sand and water was priceless. They had so much fun and we had a blast watching (chasing) them! The wind and waves were ridiculous which made the water a little scary. Neither of them seemed to have any qualms with it though. Both of them crashed hard that night and slept really well, so I think I see beach trips happening a whole lot this summer. I really am so glad we live where we do. I never imagined staying in Florida and raising kids here but now I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.

I love my life.

Quiet house, The Civil Wars playing in my ears, laundry is done, a really good week is coming to a close, and a girl’s night is planned for later tonight…doesn’t get much better than that! The kids and myself  have had a really fun week together. It was warm enough to bust out the kiddie pool which of course they had a blast in! I have noticed more and more that their attitudes and behavior on any given day is mostly determined by my attitude and behavior. Happy mama = happy kiddos. It’s not always easy but something I’m working on daily.

As of yesterday, Kevin has lost 17lbs and I’ve lost 8lbs (in 2 months!). We still have some work but it feels nice to get back to “healthy”! I’ve never felt better and I’ve also never ate better, coincidence?! I’ve really wanted to start running again but every time I do, I get incredibly discouraged by the pain I have to deal with in my shoulders from pushing a double stroller. A couple of years ago, I was diagnosed with bursitis/tendinitis in my shoulders and although with rehab the pain got slightly better, they’ve never fully healed. I also have a lot of neck and back pain. I’ve been hesitant to see a chiropractor about it (for a lot of reasons) but I had one highly recommended by some friends. . . so I took a leap of faith and have been seeing him and will be seeing him for the next 6 months! I believe in the body’s ability to heal itself without medicine and surgery and I also believe in BIG prayers – so I’m believing there is an end to this pain! I was able to run before kids but now I can’t seem to find much time to do it without them and pushing them in the double stroller – having my arms elevated is so incredibly painful! I can’t wait to be able to run with them – pain free! I have been walking at least 5 days a week (which oddly enough doesn’t seem to bother my shoulders too bad!) so I know that is helping some.

Kevin has been assigned to a new project at work starting next month and guess where it is? New York! The only place that would’ve been better is possibly somewhere in the Caribbean but I can’t complain! He has enough flying miles built up for 1 ticket round trip so we’re really hoping it’ll work out for me to go up one weekend without the kids. We’ve both been to NYC but never together, so I really can’t think of a better date! The project will be about b 6 or 7 months and WILL be minimal travel. I am definitely not looking forward to him being gone again – but we’re all in such a better place that I’m not dreading it at all. Knowing what we went through last year and made it out okay gives me a huge sense of peace that I can face just about anything.

As far as my goal for having dinners prepped and ready when Kevin got home – I got an A+!  Our nights felt a lot more relaxed and fun having that extra time together after dinner. I am going to try my hardest to keep it up.

This year is all about becoming the best person I can – inside and out. It’s going pretty well so far!