Jessica Kelso

Dear Nola,

Typing “11 months” sends me into a slight panic. One more month and you’ve been with us a whole year. . . it’s hard to believe! You have really changed a lot this month and have become even more amazing.

You can sign “all done”, “more”, and “milk” now and use them fairly often but you also have faster ways of getting your point across. Sometimes instead of signing for milk you’ll just dive into my chest or pull at my shirt and instead of signing for more you’ll screech as loud as possible until I ask if you’d like more. Either way, you’ve really started communicating what you want If I have to take something away that you shouldn’t have, you let me know your mad by hitting both of your ears. You’ve definitely started showing a lot more “sass” this month. Although you don’t like things being taken away from you, if it’s your brother doing the stealing you usually don’t mind which is good because it happens fairly often. He has gotten SO much better about sharing toys with you though. You are starting to steal his toys now and he’s not liking it! You absolutely adore him and it is the most beautiful thing to watch the sibling relationship grow.

You are getting two more teeth on the top and bottom which will soon make a total of 8! In the past when you’ve gotten teeth in, we’ve known in advance by the lack of sleep we all get but with 4 coming in at one time. . . you’ve still been sleeping pretty good. You don’t even know how much it’s been appreciated! You have formed your sleep and nap schedules a lot around T’s and it seems to be working out well for everyone. I know most babies at this age get 2 naps still but you’ve been a 1 nap baby for a while. You both go down for naps around 1pm and usually sleep until 4 or 4:30! Most of the afternoon. Which is nice because it gives me some quiet time to either nap also or get things done around the house. You usually go to bed around 7:30 or 8pm and wake up around 7:30 or 8am. . . sometimes later. You have been waking up to nurse just once most of this month.

We are still breastfeeding but after dealing with mastitis for the 10th time this month, I have decided to start the weaning process soon. I’m going to try dropping one feeding every 3-4 days and see how things go. I plan to replace most of the feedings with donor breast milk if we have it, and if not we’re going to try you on the raw cow’s milk we drink or possibly goat’s milk. Ideally I want you to have only breast milk until the age of 2 but I know realistically that probably isn’t going to happen and I’m trying to deal with it! I’m seeing ONE more doctor about our issues next week – he’s an acupuncturist and Doctor of Oriental Medicine. My hopes aren’t high since no one else has been able to figure out why I keep getting these infections but I’m not giving up without a fight! Either way, you’ve had strictly breast milk for an entire year and it blows my mind. It can be done!

You dance and bob your head anytime you hear music. If you’re standing you do this cute little up and down full body movement and if you’re sitting you’ll either spin your whole body around in a circle or just move your head from side to side. I hope you end up loving music as much as we do.

You are still my good little eater who will try anything and everything. Some meals you even eat more than your brother! It amazes me. It always surprises people when they see me give you a whole strawberry, a raw carrot stick, or a big piece of chicken. I’ve never really cut things up small for you because you learned to take little bites off. It wasn’t easy watching you learn how to eat in the beginning but I trusted you knew how to do it and you did! So thankful we discovered baby led weaning and never had to bother with purees. I really hope your willingness to try everything hangs around a while longer.

Some of your most favorite things right now include – following your brother around everywhere and trying to do whatever he does (including standing on the table and jumping on the bed!), reading books with mama, your seedlings lovey doll, FOOD!, drinking out of T’s sippy cup instead of your own (because his usually has some juice and yours is always water), playing “I’m gonna get you!” chase, rolling around on the couch, riding around outside in the wagon, watching Yo Gabba Gabba, and playing in the shower. You love the water. We took you to Aquatica for the first time (the day you turned 11 months) and you were all smiles the whole time!

You are such a bright this ray of sunshine who I’m so very thankful for. This has been a rough year for me but I can’t imagine going through it without you. You make everything better.

Love,

Mama

I think I might re-design my blog and have it officially named “letters to my kids” or something because that’s all it is lately. I’m really considering it. I wish as an adult I had letters to read from my mom when I was little. I hope my kids cherish it as much as I think I would have.

Dear Thrasher,

You are 2 years 3 months old and my favorite little guy ever. You are starting to talk more and more everyday and have changed so much just in the past 3 months since you turned 2. You call the big construction tractors on the side of the road “monsters”, you are constantly asking “mama, whatchoo doinnnn?”, in the car Nola reaches out for your hand and I look back to find you holding it and cracking her up. You love dinosaurs and anytime you see one you let out this super cute roarrr.

I haven’t always been the best mama to you, but I promise I’m going to try harder. You see, you have a lively spirit and are very strong willed. . . and I haven’t always known how to handle it. I think at times I’ve tried to change you instead of accept you for who you are and who you’re becoming. I won’t ever try to do that again though. I promise. I love you for who you are, and I will do everything I can to help you along the best I know how. You are often loud, you play hard, and crash even harder. You love anything to do with water and you would stay outside all day if I let you. You have tested my patience more than anyone ever has, and I’ve failed you at times. I’m sorry about that, little man.

I want to apologize for the times I’ve talked negatively about you to others. I want to apologize for a lot, and I hope you can forgive me. I want to respect the little person you are and the big person you’re going to be. You’ve been through more than most and I seem to forget that sometimes. Not only was your life before us complete chaos, but me getting pregnant only 3 short months after you came to us . . . meant you also experienced a lot of not fun stuff in the past 2 years. I’m sorry for the things you’ve had to go through, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned lately it’s that the hard junk we go through in life actually does make us stronger. And more patient. And more loving.

We still haven’t been able to seal the deal and make you ours yet but you better believe we are doing everything in our power to make it happen. It’s just, you see. . . the court gives mothers with kids a whole lot of chances. Your birth mother has made some bad choices though and can’t seem to stop making them. I know deep down she probably loves you (who couldn’t?), but she has decided to not accept help to get you back. She rarely shows up to see you at the times they give her to visit with you, and hasn’t done a single thing to try to get you back. The court is in the process of terminating her rights as your mom so we can finally adopt you. We and everyone we know are praying this happens soon! We are your family and can’t wait to finally make you ours for good. God put you in our life for a reason and for that, I’m so thankful. We didn’t get the bond in the beginning that most babies get with their mama. . . but I am doing everything I can to make up for that. Although God didn’t create you inside of me, He created this strong love in me for you that I never knew would be possible. He loves you so much T and will always be there for you. . . even if we can’t be.

You were meant for us and we were meant for you. I love your sweet spirit, Thrasher boy. You bring so much joy to our family.

Love, Mama