Jessica Kelso

I don’t know if there are really even words to describe my gratefulness for the family I was born into. Maybe it’s because I have a family of my own now that I’m starting to see how crazy lucky I am. I had absolutely no choice in the matter when it came to the parents I was given, and I’m sure a million times growing up I wished I was given another set. Like all parents, they have their flaws and have had just as many struggles as anybody else. . . but they are amazing and kind and loving and patient and everything I hope to be for my kids someday. Seeing how my dad interacts with Thrasher and loves him to death is something I will forever hold in my heart. This has been a tough week. I’ve had a lot of those through this pregnancy it seems, and I feel like I’ve gotten through them – just barely . . . from the help of my family.

Today my dad came over and played with Thrasher all morning, made us potato soup for dinner, brought some groceries, cleaned up our kitchen, changed two stinky diapers and put him down for a nap. Kevin’s dad was outside mowing our grass since Kevin is still having problems with his back – all while I was napping away this nasty sickness. I hate accepting help and hate asking for help even more. . . but help has been exactly what I’ve needed to get through all of this and I can’t thank them enough.

Yesterday Thrasher went and spent the day with another foster family that we know. It was the first time he had really been anywhere – especially a stranger’s – for the whole day but he seemed to do really good. The kid just loves people and I think he really enjoys getting out and seeing and experiencing new things. I can’t help but feel slightly guilty for how much the little guy has been stuck inside with me lately. The whole first trimester it took everything out of me to just get up on a daily basis and do the basics that needed to be done for him. I feel like during the second trimester I slightly made up for it and we did quite a bit but now it’s back to “mama is on the couch again and here I am playing with the same toys”. I justify it by saying that no matter what we do he’s in a loving and safe environment so that’s all that matters, but I hate that. I hate that he hasn’t gotten 100% of me the past 7 months. He’s such a happy kid though, so I know we must be doing something right.

I miss him though. Being sick I’ve had to stay back but I miss the open mouth kisses and random hugs, they are what make my day.