Jessica Kelso

Dear old lady who cut me in line at CVS,

Did you happen to miss the sweat dripping from my face or the fact that I was holding an antsy 26lb toddler in my arms? Maybe you saw I was very pregnant but decided I was young and you were old so it was no problem to get right in front of me and then take forever complaining about your order.  If you had any sort of physical disability, I would have been okay with you going first…but, you didn’t. I respect my elders . . . but that respect goes both ways. You’re lucky I got a full nights sleep last night or we might have had a scene that ended in…tears or something.

Sincerely,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  A very annoyed mama

In 3 short months, I get to meet that little girl hiding in my belly!! The further we get the more real it becomes. My achy back, feet, and lack of a good night’s sleep could only mean one thing – I’m approaching my third trimester! I spent a portion of our long weekend cleaning and organizing Thrasher’s closet to make room for Nola. Her wardrobe is already half of his and she isn’t even here yet. I can’t wait to see what she’s going to look like in them. We went for a checkup today – she’s measuring right on schedule and everything else seems to be perfect! That’s always a relief to hear. We start going every 2 weeks now, so we’re really getting closer!

This morning at our appointment I was chatting with one of the birth assistants about her and her husband possibly becoming foster parents. I found myself trying to talk her out of it, saying if you have the heart you can’t stick with it. In the beginning of our experience being foster parents. . . I couldn’t say enough good things about signing up and helping these kids out. I couldn’t understand why not everyone wouldn’t want to do it, or at least try it. This morning as I put Thrasher in a car for someone to take him to a visit with his birth mom, I realized why not everyone can do it. We’ve cared for this kid exactly as we would our own. When we were questioned about what we’re planning on doing when Nola arrives by our agency, I was so confused by what they meant. Give him to somebody else? He’s ours…you don’t give your kid away when you have another baby! I have to remember sometimes he’s not officially ours and that’s a painful reminder. Our heart is 100% in this and I’m not sure how other foster parents are able to do it without being fully committed. I prayed for his protection this morning and had to leave it in God’s hands. She didn’t show up to the visit – like usual and I found myself thrilled about that. I used to get so bummed when she didn’t show up because I really wanted a good outcome for them. I wanted her to get better and I wanted him to have a healthy happy life with his mom. But now, after this long of her showing little interest. . . I’m just ready for them to make a decision that’s best for him and I think at this point it’s to stay with us.

Yesterday we celebrated our 3 year wedding anniversary. It was quite different than any other anniversary we’ve had. The past two years we’ve been at the beach by ourselves enjoying our quiet little getaway together. This year I woke up to find a cute little 13 month old waiting on me to play with him and feed him breakfast. We did get  a sitter for the evening though and enjoyed a yummy sushi dinner at my favorite place and dessert after.  Alth0ugh our situation has changed slightly, my indescribable love for him hasn’t and I couldn’t be more thankful for that. Becoming parents and experiencing all of these new things together has only brought us closer.

He’s been having a horrible time with pain in his back/leg that hasn’t gotten fixed yet and it’s put a tremendous amount of stress on him – which I know very well from living with that kind of pain in my shoulders for so long. He tries to be patient with me and my pregnant moods, and I try to give him a break when he can’t go for a long walks, mow the grass, or do a lot of other things that involve too much time standing or walking. It’s been difficult but I’m proud of the way we’re handling it all. I think God only gives us situations we can handle, and I’m not sure if I could have handled this in the first or second year of marriage.

We are definitely more practical as a couple this year. Instead of romantic gifts for our anniversary, we just spent time together talking about the good we already have. It’s more than enough.

The ups and downs of not being able to get pregnant right away, becoming foster parents, raising a baby, growing a baby, being on a major budget to prepare for said baby. . . and all of the things in between, I wouldn’t trade this past year for anything. I love the person I get to experience all of it with…exactly as he is.