Jessica Kelso

Friday was the day we got to hear and see the little heartbeat. It was absolutely the most amazing thing I’ve ever heard. There are no words to really describe it. This baby is our miracle baby and every day I am falling more and more in love. The nurse at the pregnancy center who was amazing enough to do this ultrasound for us told me to come back in at 12 weeks so she could do another one and we could see the little one bigger and more active. I. Can’t. Wait. I’m 7 weeks today – apparently I was a couple days off and the baby’s due date is 10-10-10. How cool would that be? I’ve read only 5% of women deliver on their actual due date, so the chances are pretty slim – but neat none the less.

The baby’s heart was beating away at a perfect 143 beats per minute. 143, I Love You. That still makes me smile. It was such a relief to see our little blob and also to see there was only one in there. Not that we have twins run in the family or anything, but it’s definitely something that had crossed my mind. Along with that, I had the horrible thought there just wasn’t going to be a baby and I was dreaming it all up! Waiting 1.5 years for something like this makes you come up with some crazy stuff!

Saturday we were planning to hang out with Kevin’s family from Tennessee that’s in town but I ended up being stuck in bed all day with some horrible nausea and a terrible migraine. Kevin has been such an amazing husband and daddy through all of this. He has completely stepped up his game and taken care of us in every way possible. Going to the store for the smallest things, taking care of Thrasher while he’s teething something horrible, listening to me whine and complain all while telling me how worth it this is going to be. I have seriously fallen even more in love with him. . . I can only imagine what he will be like once the little one is here! Today I woke up better but still  not feeling great so we decided to skip out on church and relax. We slept in until 9am which was amazing! I think we all needed the extra rest after our day yesterday. This evening we finally made it out of the house to run a couple of errands and have dinner with his family before they headed back home tomorrow. I’m so glad we got to see them all, especially since we have no idea when it might happen again!

This week the little peek achoo’s eyes, nose, and ears are starting to form. Inside of me. It’s the most amazing thing to think about. As sick as I’ve been feeling, I couldn’t be more thankful for all of it. I would probably be a nervous wreck if I didn’t have every symptom in the book, so I’m trying my hardest to suck it up and not complain too much. Some days I don’t do a very good job though. Next week we have our first ultrasound and it just won’t come quick enough! The nurse at the pregnancy center I used to volunteer for agreed to do a ultrasound for us at 7 weeks! Our first prenatal appointment isn’t until almost 11 weeks so I couldn’t be anymore thankful for the early ultrasound. I can’t wait to see a little heartbeat flicker.

My emotions have been slightly out of whack lately. I’m normally fairly quiet and keep to myself, sometimes afraid of saying the wrong thing…that I might sound stupid or possibly offend someone. Well lately. . . I just don’t seem to care as much. Sometimes it’s a good thing and other times it hasn’t been so good.

On Tuesday we went to check out a local birth center. I have a couple of friends that have given birth there or used their midwives for home births and all of them have had amazing things to say. It’s been around forever, so I wasn’t sure how comfortable I would feel there. We decided to go tour the place and see if it’s something we’d be interested in and I absolutely loved it! I felt so comfortable there. We told them we’d think about it and call to set up our first appointment when we decided. We got in the car and said “Sooo, what did you think?” and we both agreed it just felt right! We’re very excited to have made this decision and we’re just praying for a healthy pregnancy that makes it possible to give birth there. The decisions have already begun. . . fun!

January 31, 2010

I’m pregnant!!!! Wow. We’re still in complete shock. This is so planned, yet still so unexpected.

This morning as I was getting ready bright and early to fulfill my nursery duties at church, I felt a little sick to my stomach. I thought maybe I was just hungry, but also remembered I was about a day late on getting my period. I figured I might as well give it a shot. If you know me and know the journey we’ve been on with trying to get pregnant, you know I had slightly given up. I mean, we were definitely still “trying” in every sense of the word – is that too graphic? – but I had stopped all the ovulation tests, stopped taking my temperature, and overall just stopped caring about trying to time things out perfectly. I stopped getting excited over late periods and stopped taking pregnancy tests early. The disappointment was getting to be a lot and this was just easier.

But this morning felt different. Kevin was in bed not feeling well and Thrasher was still sleeping, so I took the test and just stared at it preparing myself for the first letdown of the new year. Within just a couple of seconds, I saw a second line. Of all the pregnancy tests I’ve taken, I’ve never even seen the fainest second line. I was in shock. I read the directions one more time just to be sure that’s what a positive meant, opened the bathroom door and went running into the bedroom. . . screaming, “I think we’re pregnant!!” After a bit of crying and “are you sure?! are you sure?!” I had to get ready to leave. I had one more pregnancy test I wanted to take to be sure but I was all out of pee by then, so I had to head to church knowing this big news and not being able to tell a soul. A friend I was working with in the nursery even told me about her dream recently that I was pregnant and she said she knew it was going to happen really soon. I just smiled and nodded, “uh huh!”. After church I headed home to take the second pregnancy test and once again, I quickly got a positive!  We went to lunch with some friends, and had to keep this huge secret inside. I think we both had a perma grin the entire time. I quickly called my momma to tell her and her reaction was completely priceless. She must have screamed for at least a whole minute or two. I loved it. We also told Kevin’s parents today as well, and they were absolutely thrilled! We are so excited for this baby AND about the possibility of adopting Thrasher one day. I prayed for a baby and now. . . well, let’s just say God works in the craziest ways! 2 in one year. Now comes the fun of figuring out how in the world I will take care of 2 babies under 2!

It’s all about God’s timing and not mine. It took me a long time to figure that out but I’m glad I finally did.

February 1, 2010

I called my OB/GYN to set up my first appointment today. It’s set for March 11 and I’ll be almost 10 weeks along by then. 10 weeks pregnant!!!!

Is this real? Still doesn’t feel like it!

February 2, 2010

I took another pregnancy test just to be sure. Still positive!! Definitely feeling it today too. I’ve been very nauseous and I keep trying to eat to make it go away but it’s not working. We are already so in love with this little poppy seed inside my belly. The first thing Kevin does in the morning is ask how his babies are and gives them kisses. (All 3 of us now!) He kisses my belly that looks the exact same as it always has – except slightly more bloated. It is the sweetest thing in the world to me.

February 3, 2010

We are 5 weeks today and the baby is the size of a sesame seed  – or head lice – I’m not sure which one is better to think about. We have 5 weeks left to go until we get to see our little one and hear it’s heartbeat! I’m so excited. Today I went grocery shopping and couldn’t believe how strong everything smelled! Before I even got into the store, I could smell everything in the entire bakery like it was sitting on my lap. Let’s just say, that made it super hard to only get the healthy stuff!

February 4, 2010

We’ve decided to tell everyone our exciting news sooner than planned. After lots of reading about what’s going on inside of me right now, I’ve realized more and more how this is already a baby. I know a lot of people think at this point it’s just a clump of cells and isn’t really a baby yet, but I don’t believe that. I believe this is a baby that God has already planned and formed and no matter what happens. . . this precious life matters. I feel like hiding that from people is saying we think it’s not of enough importance to share. I know the reasons people don’t tell, those are the exact reasons I’ve had for wanting to wait. I don’t know if I would want to privately deal with the loss of a child, or if I would need the support of all my friends and family to get me through. . . but I think it would make me feel even worse knowing that only a few got to share in this precious babies life.

I now present to you. . . our nursery!!! (a couple of months overdue!)

Crib skirt and bumper made by LittleOwlsNest on Etsy!

Wall decal by byrdiegraphic’s on Etsy!

Canvas art by me!

This room turned out exactly how I imagined! I love it!

Owl clock by decoylab on Etsy!

Something I noticed before I even became a mom has been magnified the past couple of months that I’ve had Thrasher. I’ve really gotten to see how harsh the mom crowd can be. I’m not sure what it is about being a mom that brings out that side of women, but it’s serious and I’ve seen and heard it first hand. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. All the topics that seem controversial, like. . .

- Breastfeeding vs. formula feeding

- Medicated vs. unmediated birth

- Cloth diapers vs. disposable diapers

- Stay at home mom vs. working mom

- Organic baby food vs. regular baby food

- To vaccinate vs. not to vaccinate

- Homemade baby food vs. jarred baby food

And I know the list goes on and on.

Every mom that I’ve met has almost completely different views on each one of these topics. I myself haven’t even been given the opportunity to make a decision on a lot of these things and carry them out, but I too have strong views on most of them. What I’ve come to realize lately is that no matter how wrong or right you feel one way is, it’s not always right for another person. While I’m out I’m sure some women might watch me give Thrasher a bottle with formula and judge, but little do they know I’m a foster mom and that’s just how it is. It’s helped me learn that you never really know what’s going on with another person to judge the decisions they make. I’m also learning that being a mom (especially a foster mom, and yes I will pat myself on the back every once in a while) is one of the toughest jobs I have ever had. . . and at the same time the most rewarding. Moms are just too hard on each other. Honestly, I don’t really care what kind of diapers my mom put me in or if she breastfed me or not…I just care that she loved on me constantly and taught me to be a good person and to love God with all  my heart. Those are the things we remember. So that’s my goal as I continue along this path….I will try to encourage other moms in the decisions they’ve made, even if I disagree. I think we should all be supportive to this incredibly tough job of parenting, and if someone wants to hear why we feel the way we do, then tell them. Otherwise. . . let’s be kind and non-judgmental!

Last weekend we attended a birthday party for our friend Hope. We played a murder mystery game that was a lot like Clue but way more interactive and fun. Everyone dressed in their best 1920’s gear (for us everything was free and borrowed so I think we did alright!). I don’t do very good playing new roles but if you know Kevin at all you know he is. He played a congressman that was cheating on his wife. I was his wife and I turned my cheek to his affairs and acted like they didn’t really bother me, knowing deep down I was having my own. According to the game, almost everyone cheated on each other. It made for a very interesting game and the word “hussie” got thrown around quite a few times! Kevin ended up killing me in the bathroom, so I had to play dead hunched over the bathtub. Lots of fun! There were so many details around the house that just fit the theme perfectly. I really felt like we were living life in the 20’s!

I’ll leave you with some of the pictures taken by our amazing friend Tina Sargeant. She’s the best!

I have some pretty high expectations for 2010. I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing but 2009 definitely brought a number of hardships our way and I’m ready for some much needed relief. As much as life tested me. . . I feel like with God’s help I pulled through everything fairly well and I believe I’m stronger for having to go through them. So far things are looking up and I’m feeling pretty hopeful. I have a lot of the typical New Years resolutions going. . . like lose some weight, have less road rage, stop biting my nails. You know, the usual. I’m curious to see how they go.

We brought in the new year with Kevin’s family in Tallahassee. It was my first time there and Thrasher’s first time meeting everyone. He did great in the car but he didn’t handle sleeping in a new place very well. I don’t know if it was sleeping in the pack n play or knowing we were right next to him and would pick him up, but either way I ended up with him sleeping next to/half on me most of the night. New Years Eve was very low key with a big dinner and lots of games. We somehow even managed to stay up until midnight! Total party animals.

New year’s is always a special time for us as a couple, not only because we’ve been given the opportunity to celebrate a new year together but because we met on New Year’s Eve 4 years ago! I’ll never forget that night. I knew he was cute, but I had no idea I’d marry him the next year!

So I’m being thankful for what I have and learning to deal with the rest. Maybe 2010 will help me become better at that.

This month has been BUSY! Let me tell you. I can’t believe how many people we know that have birthdays around Christmas. So along with Christmas parties, we’ve had our fair share of birthday parties! It’s been really hard keeping Thrasher on a regular schedule since we seem to have something going on most nights and can only get a sitter every so often. Despite the lack of schedule some days, he’s still been sleeping like a champ. His top tooth is coming through and I can tell it’s causing him some pain…especially since today he was doing his owl whine even though he had slept 11 hours and napped great. He came down with a cold two nights ago, and I’m thinking it has to do with his tooth. Who knew growing teeth could hurt so bad?!

When he whines because he’s tired or bored, it sounds just like a hooting owl. So funny!

This picture was taken at the Christmas parade. I think Thrasher enjoyed himself minus the motorcycle cops blaring their sirens. He buried his head into Kevin’s chest and clenched his arm as tight as he could until they were gone. He’s not into loud noises. Shower curtains opening, bath tub water running, banging pans. . . he tenses up and his eyes get real big and he finds something or somebody to cling to. It’s cute and sad at the same time. I’ve had to get slightly creative with the pictures I’m actually able to post online. We did set up a Flickr account specifically for pictures of the baby, so if you’d like to see them and I haven’t already sent you the link. . . let me know!

We are taking a short road trip to Tallahassee for New Year’s to visit with some of Kevin’s relatives and while I’m excited to see them and have them meet Thrasher, I’m nervous about traveling with a 7 month old baby for the first time. It’s only 4 hours and he’s a good baby so I’m sure it won’t be near as bad as I’m imagining. I’ve also decided to just go ahead and stick with cloth diapers for the trip instead of switching things up and using disposables. Which means probably a little bit of extra stuff to pack, but I think it’ll make for a happier baby. As it is, we have no idea how we will fit everything in our little red Volvo. We normally pack it full just with our stuff and this time we have a whole other person…plus stroller. Sometime soon I will post about our experiences with cloth diapers. Love love love them! We’ve had T in disposables every couple of days since we’ve only had 12 cloth diapers and it never fails, that any day he is in them he gets a bad rash. He has yet to get one with cloth. We just ordered 6 more though, so we should have enough now to use only cloth.

Wow, sorry for such a random post. I don’t seem to ever update, so when I do it’s a whole bunch of life squeezed into a couple paragraphs. I hope to get better at this soon.

Tomorrow will be 6 weeks since the little man joined Team Kelso and in those 6 weeks we’ve learned a lot about babies. The main thing we’ve learned is that just when you think you’ve got a schedule down and everything is moving along perfectly, things change! Naps change, sleeping through the night changes, it’s always something new and unexpected. The first couple of weeks were rough, seeing as how Thrasher was in a totally new environment with complete strangers. He was always looking around. He still likes to look around and he’s very active and alert, but nothing like those first few weeks when he was trying to figure out what was going on and where he was. At night he would wake up every couple of hours and we would come running at the faintest noise. We wanted him to feel safe and secure in his new home. We could really tell he was starting to get comfortable and settle in to things when he started sleeping about 11 hours straight through the night. The first time it happened I woke up in a panic, thinking I had forgotten to turn the baby monitor on and I slept through his crying and he was terrified. I quickly ran to his room to find a happy, peacefully sleeping baby. That lasted almost 2 weeks straight. A couple of nights ago, he started waking up once. We rock him, cuddle, sing to him and he would go back to sleep relatively fast. Last night though, it seemed that any attempts we would make to put him back to sleep did more harm than good. Poor little man has been chewing on everything. When I rock him to sleep, my shirt ends up being soaked from him just going to town on it. He already has two teeth on the bottom and I think  he’s about to get one on top. Who knew these little teeth could cause so much pain?! We’re praying that’s all this is and soon he will be back to a regular schedule. Whatever that is!

It was so fun having his first Thanksgiving and we’re really looking forward to Christmas with him. I’ve always loved the Christmas season, but having a baby to celebrate it with this year is just the best. He has his own little tree in his room, and he loves to just sit and stare at the lights. Tonight we’re going with some of our friends and their kiddos to the Christmas parade, which has sorta got me freaking out. I’m not one for big crowds, especially in Lakeland. Growing up here means running into a minimum of 5 people you’d really rather not run into. . . but our friends are going and I think Thrasher will really enjoy it. So to the parade it is! Wish me luck.

I say that sitting from my living room chair, with the windows open, watching our sweet baby boy scoot all around. We had an amazing lunch with the family, the most perfect weather to date, and everyone got to meet Thrasher for the first time.  I’m pretty sure they fell in love with him already like we have. My homemade dinner rolls, mom’s broccoli casserole, and my brother bringing Cheesecake Factory cheesecake had to be the highlights of the Thanksgiving meal. I think the only thing we’re missing today are the Kelso’s who are all in Nashville right now. I’m sure they’re having a great time and don’t miss us too terribly much!

Tonight we’re finally taking out the Christmas decorations! It’s been difficult to stay away from putting it out early, but Kevin has this rule about no Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving so I have had to be patient.The wait is over!

I can’t even begin to express how thankful I am for everything I’ve been blessed with this past year. My best friend, who has turned out to be an absolutely amazing father. A happy, sweet, cuddly baby boy God has trusted us with. A wonderful, loving family who supports and loves us no matter what. The best community of friends anybody could ever ask for.

My heart is full.

I am blessed beyond words.