Jessica Kelso

We’ve been experiencing some website issues, which seems to be the case when I actually go to blog! Things are almost fixed, with the exception of some pictures that Kevin is still working on. . . but hopefully it’ll be all better soon and I won’t be forced into making a blogger account or something crazy like that

This week brings some new changes for all of us. Thrasher starts daycare tomorrow, Kevin got his first injection today, and I will soon be on mama maternity leave. We found a wonderful daycare for T that is right down the road from us that he will be in for the next 4 months. Our agency agreed to cover the costs to help us out with the new addition that will soon grace our family. I have some feelings of guilt that I’m a stay at home mom and sending her boy to daycare, but this last trimester hasn’t been pleasant and I’m welcoming the much needed break with open arms. Although we’ve had him since he was 5 months old, I’ve yet to experience the newborn/breastfeeding/very little sleep phase. As much as I love spending my days with him, I think he gets bored with me. He loves people and other kids so I know he’s going to love the company that being at daycare will bring. We’ve been on a pretty set schedule for a long time though, so I hope he can adjust well. Breakfast and lunch -  not in a highchair but at a table! Naps – not in a crib! I don’t even want to think about it. . . but he’s definitely growing up and I can’t wait to see how he does. I’ve spent the last 10 months with him though, so I’m REALLY going to miss the little guy. Especially now, he’s started getting such a fun personality!

Kevin finally got an MRI so we could see what’s going on with his back. Turns out he has a severely herniated disc and may need surgery. His chiropractor referred him to a pain specialist who wanted to start out with a spinal injection first. That was done today, so we will know more in a couple of days. If that doesn’t work, he’ll be getting another one a month from now and if that still doesn’t work, we are most likely looking at surgery sometime before the end of the year. But we are believing that this will work and surgery won’t be needed. . . so please be praying for the same! Even though the medical bills keep pouring in, I couldn’t be anymore thankful for the good health we DO have. The past couple of weeks, I’ve really had to get a new perspective on things. Dwell on the bad that can’t be changed or only focus on the amazing things we’ve got going on in our family. I prayed and dreamed for this time, and now that it’s here it may not be everything I had imagined but I’m growing a healthy little girl and that’s all that really matters. We have a foster baby that we knew nothing about 1 year ago. We have no idea what his life was like before us and the fact that he’s been perfectly healthy since we’ve had him is a miracle in itself.

So part of me wonders if this next month is going to drag along since the house will be so quiet and I’ll have much more time in a day or if it’ll fly by with doing the last minute stuff I still need to do. I’m sure I’ll be blogging more, so you’ll most likely hear all about it!

I’ve decided to use my free time (the boy is napping) to blog instead of nap myself, which I might regret later but oh well. My baby shower was this past weekend and although I have no pictures from it yet, I did just take some of two homemade outfits Nola received. I don’t think I’m girly enough to squeal. . . but if I was I totally would have when I saw these.

Christy knitted her this adorable purple sweater and sewed the most precious little skirt I’ve ever seen. . .  and of course made a rosette to match. I CANNOT wait to see her in this. The cuteness is a little overwhelming. There is something so special to me about homemade gifts, and this outfit is no exception. I really hope she’s able to wear it this “winter”, which probably won’t be until January so I’m sure she will.

My friend Meghan sewed her this dress with the cutest fabric and matching hair clips. It really makes me wish I would get serious about making this girl more stuff. I’ve made some burp cloths and flowers for headbands but that’s about it. If only I could add more time to the day and a little more energy, I think I’d be set. Along with these gifts, we got some amazing things and I’m so thankful for that. This week I’ve managed to get all of her clothes hung up and organized by size, and everything taken out of boxes and put in it’s place. Things we didn’t get at the shower but needed have been ordered, and it’s starting to really feel like we might be ready for her. I know she needs to bake a little longer though and I’m okay with that! As soon as I get some baby shower pictures, they will be posted. It was a great day spent with family and friends! 7 weeks to go and we will meet our little Nola Penelope!!

I don’t know if there are really even words to describe my gratefulness for the family I was born into. Maybe it’s because I have a family of my own now that I’m starting to see how crazy lucky I am. I had absolutely no choice in the matter when it came to the parents I was given, and I’m sure a million times growing up I wished I was given another set. Like all parents, they have their flaws and have had just as many struggles as anybody else. . . but they are amazing and kind and loving and patient and everything I hope to be for my kids someday. Seeing how my dad interacts with Thrasher and loves him to death is something I will forever hold in my heart. This has been a tough week. I’ve had a lot of those through this pregnancy it seems, and I feel like I’ve gotten through them – just barely . . . from the help of my family.

Today my dad came over and played with Thrasher all morning, made us potato soup for dinner, brought some groceries, cleaned up our kitchen, changed two stinky diapers and put him down for a nap. Kevin’s dad was outside mowing our grass since Kevin is still having problems with his back – all while I was napping away this nasty sickness. I hate accepting help and hate asking for help even more. . . but help has been exactly what I’ve needed to get through all of this and I can’t thank them enough.

Yesterday Thrasher went and spent the day with another foster family that we know. It was the first time he had really been anywhere – especially a stranger’s – for the whole day but he seemed to do really good. The kid just loves people and I think he really enjoys getting out and seeing and experiencing new things. I can’t help but feel slightly guilty for how much the little guy has been stuck inside with me lately. The whole first trimester it took everything out of me to just get up on a daily basis and do the basics that needed to be done for him. I feel like during the second trimester I slightly made up for it and we did quite a bit but now it’s back to “mama is on the couch again and here I am playing with the same toys”. I justify it by saying that no matter what we do he’s in a loving and safe environment so that’s all that matters, but I hate that. I hate that he hasn’t gotten 100% of me the past 7 months. He’s such a happy kid though, so I know we must be doing something right.

I miss him though. Being sick I’ve had to stay back but I miss the open mouth kisses and random hugs, they are what make my day.

The flu? I can handle. 32 weeks pregnant with the flu and a toddler? I can even do that. All of that with a whole lot of nausea? I CAN’T DO THIS. It seems like right when I start seeing the light and make my way up for a breath, something comes along and shoves me back down to start again. And honestly, I’m tired of swimming. I just noticed how I’ve been very neglectful when it comes to writing, but the up and down emotions that pregnancy has brought on has been a lot and I haven’t wanted to be “that” girl. Today, I’m stuck in bed but not able to sleep. . .  so here I am. That girl.

32 weeks and Nola is kicking my butt! Not literally…although sometimes it feels like it. She is just a super active little thing. My baby shower is this weekend and I couldn’t be anymore excited about celebrating this girl with all of my family and friends. It’s definitely something I’ve been looking forward to. I think after the shower I will be able to start planning and preparing more since I haven’t done a single thing. I do not feel ready yet for her arrival in the slightest, so her plan better be to stay in there for another 7-8 weeks!

Oops, had to get out of bed to answer the door. Brighthouse? Installing a phone line? Kevin must have forgot and I’m not exactly prepared. Thankfully he works right down the road and is on his way home. Go ahead Mr Brighthouse guy, wait in my home while I’m hiding from you in my bedroom. I apologize you had to witness my crazy hair, no makeup, and belly hanging out from under my shirt. We have decided to get a home phone line. Brighthouse offered it for an extra $3 a month for the next year, so we couldn’t exactly say no. I’ve only ever had a cell phone, so this will be weird.

Small changes, big changes. . . trying to prepare myself but not sure I know how.

Dear old lady who cut me in line at CVS,

Did you happen to miss the sweat dripping from my face or the fact that I was holding an antsy 26lb toddler in my arms? Maybe you saw I was very pregnant but decided I was young and you were old so it was no problem to get right in front of me and then take forever complaining about your order.  If you had any sort of physical disability, I would have been okay with you going first…but, you didn’t. I respect my elders . . . but that respect goes both ways. You’re lucky I got a full nights sleep last night or we might have had a scene that ended in…tears or something.

Sincerely,                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  A very annoyed mama

In 3 short months, I get to meet that little girl hiding in my belly!! The further we get the more real it becomes. My achy back, feet, and lack of a good night’s sleep could only mean one thing – I’m approaching my third trimester! I spent a portion of our long weekend cleaning and organizing Thrasher’s closet to make room for Nola. Her wardrobe is already half of his and she isn’t even here yet. I can’t wait to see what she’s going to look like in them. We went for a checkup today – she’s measuring right on schedule and everything else seems to be perfect! That’s always a relief to hear. We start going every 2 weeks now, so we’re really getting closer!

This morning at our appointment I was chatting with one of the birth assistants about her and her husband possibly becoming foster parents. I found myself trying to talk her out of it, saying if you have the heart you can’t stick with it. In the beginning of our experience being foster parents. . . I couldn’t say enough good things about signing up and helping these kids out. I couldn’t understand why not everyone wouldn’t want to do it, or at least try it. This morning as I put Thrasher in a car for someone to take him to a visit with his birth mom, I realized why not everyone can do it. We’ve cared for this kid exactly as we would our own. When we were questioned about what we’re planning on doing when Nola arrives by our agency, I was so confused by what they meant. Give him to somebody else? He’s ours…you don’t give your kid away when you have another baby! I have to remember sometimes he’s not officially ours and that’s a painful reminder. Our heart is 100% in this and I’m not sure how other foster parents are able to do it without being fully committed. I prayed for his protection this morning and had to leave it in God’s hands. She didn’t show up to the visit – like usual and I found myself thrilled about that. I used to get so bummed when she didn’t show up because I really wanted a good outcome for them. I wanted her to get better and I wanted him to have a healthy happy life with his mom. But now, after this long of her showing little interest. . . I’m just ready for them to make a decision that’s best for him and I think at this point it’s to stay with us.

Yesterday we celebrated our 3 year wedding anniversary. It was quite different than any other anniversary we’ve had. The past two years we’ve been at the beach by ourselves enjoying our quiet little getaway together. This year I woke up to find a cute little 13 month old waiting on me to play with him and feed him breakfast. We did get  a sitter for the evening though and enjoyed a yummy sushi dinner at my favorite place and dessert after.  Alth0ugh our situation has changed slightly, my indescribable love for him hasn’t and I couldn’t be more thankful for that. Becoming parents and experiencing all of these new things together has only brought us closer.

He’s been having a horrible time with pain in his back/leg that hasn’t gotten fixed yet and it’s put a tremendous amount of stress on him – which I know very well from living with that kind of pain in my shoulders for so long. He tries to be patient with me and my pregnant moods, and I try to give him a break when he can’t go for a long walks, mow the grass, or do a lot of other things that involve too much time standing or walking. It’s been difficult but I’m proud of the way we’re handling it all. I think God only gives us situations we can handle, and I’m not sure if I could have handled this in the first or second year of marriage.

We are definitely more practical as a couple this year. Instead of romantic gifts for our anniversary, we just spent time together talking about the good we already have. It’s more than enough.

The ups and downs of not being able to get pregnant right away, becoming foster parents, raising a baby, growing a baby, being on a major budget to prepare for said baby. . . and all of the things in between, I wouldn’t trade this past year for anything. I love the person I get to experience all of it with…exactly as he is.

I want time to slow down. I started thinking about that this morning when I caught myself complaining about being back home from vacation. Laundry, dishes, cooking, errands. . . all of those things that I didn’t have to think about much last week. We had so much fun and it went by all too fast. I remember sitting on our balcony overlooking the ocean and wishing I could somehow make time just stand still. No matter how hard I tried though, it didn’t seem to happen. So I sat thinking about our next vacation, our next big event.

How sad is that? I want to start enjoying more of the mundane and I know the only way that can happen is if I make the decision to change. I want to stop seeing it as a chore to do laundry, cook dinner, change nasty diapers, and stop getting annoyed when Thrasher is trying to be in the middle of everything I do. I want to start involving him in all of these things and make them more fun for the both of us. I feel like I’m wasting all of this time away waiting for the next big thing and I’m missing all of the little amazing things that our life is consumed with.

I looked through pictures of the first week we had with Thrasher. I almost forgot he was ever a baby. We never got the teeny tiny baby phase with him seeing as how he came to us at 5 months old and he was already a big boy, but he was still a baby! These last 8 months have just flown by and I know the next 8 will too so I want more than anything to just soak it all in and enjoy it to the fullest.

After many months of saving up, I finally upgraded from my little point and shoot camera! I’m so excited for this new adventure in learning how to use a fancy camera. I got a Canon EOS Digital Rebel XTi camera with 2 different lenses. I used it at the beach and did the best I could with the little I know, but plan on reading and watching a lot of videos on the basics of digital photography. I have absolutely no desire to ever become a professional photographer and take pictures of other people, I really just want to have good pictures of my family and it’s something I’ve always loved. Unfortunately, I can’t post pictures of Thrasher on here and he’s my main subject but I will hopefully have some other pictures I can post on here occasionally! My friend Rachel, who is an up and coming photographer was on vacation with us and helped me with learning some basics about photography. She also took a couple “maternity” type photos that I’m excited to see!

Speaking of maternity, I will be 26 weeks pregnant on Wednesday! Time is really flying by when I think about that. I remember when I found out I was pregnant, all I wanted was to get to 12 weeks and it felt like forever. . . and now I’m well over halfway to meeting little Nola. She is already so loved. My mom has 3 drawers in her dresser saved for all the clothes she’s started buying her. It’s ridiculous, and I love it! I’ve started daydreaming about what she’s going to look like. Will she have Kevin’s  curly hair or my straight hair? Will she be blonde or brunette? Blue, green, or brown eyes? Shy and quiet or loud and active? I can’t wait to find out and kiss her perfect little cheeks. A perfect mix of me and the person I love more than anything in this world, what could be better than that?

I love being pregnant. Let me say that again to convince myself, I love being pregnant!

Really, I do.

I find myself complaining about how hard it is to get up out of bed already (we have a low platform bed), and my booty going numb if I sit in the same spot longer than 20 minutes, and other things I probably shouldn’t mention on here, but then I feel our little girl moving all around and it makes the uncomfortable things seem so silly. I’ve really started to feel her a lot lately, which never fails to almost bring me to tears. Kevin was also able to feel her a couple of days ago. It’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced and I’m so thankful God has given us this precious gift. As hard as I’m sure it’s about to get to keep up with a 1 year old along with being pregnant, I plan on enjoying every second of this journey. For whatever reason, this is where we are and I think it’s exactly where God put us. . . so I’m just gonna go with it!

Although I thought it would take MUCH longer, we have decided on a name! Her first name will be Nola. Middle name. . . still to be determined! It has no significant meaning. It actually stems from the name Finola and means “fair shoulder”. I love how feminine it is and although we have no idea what she’s going to look like yet, I picture the name perfectly with her. We really wanted something short, easy to say and spell, but still unique. So I think we achieved our goal! Her wardrobe is already beginning and I think I’m going to start working on some headbands and bows soon.

This is a pretty busy week, but in return I get to go on vacation next week so it makes it a little more fun. We’ve had to finish up everything to renew our foster parent license and since it’s due a couple days after we get back from the beach, I busted my butt to finish it all before we leave and was successful! Our re-licensing counselor comes on Thursday and I am so excited I will have everything ready to give her early! As long as we pass our sanitation inspection today (which I’m in no way worried) we should be good to go.  Funny how they give us a month to do our part and the system gets almost 4 months to do their part. Ahhh, the joys of fostering. I can’t wait to get away for a whole week. Everyone knows we’ll be gone so hopefully we won’t have many interruptions and definitely no appointments scheduled, which will be a rarity as of late. We have a 3 bedroom oceanfront condo on Redington Beach that we’re sharing with another couple and their 6 month old daughter.

1 whole week of sun, sand, and making Kevin taking care of us. Bliss

I hate that word. I hate thinking about that word. I don’t think I’m even ready to use the word, much less follow through with what the word means. Needless to say, the time has come. Thrasher has now reached the toddler phase and is testing his boundaries on a daily – or more like hourly – basis. I know it’s normal and part of the growing process but I also know I’m determined to not have bratty kids who get away with everything! This kid is smart. He’s figured out the child proof cabinet locks we recently installed, he knows how to unhook the baby gate, and just the other night he opened the door to the office. He has also decided recently that he likes to play more with his food than he does eat it. He feeds it to Milo, smashes it, and throws it all over the place. Recently, we even discovered him putting the food underneath the tray – all sneaky- and dropping it on the floor! And I’ve pretty much given up on him wearing a bib. . . that has been a battle not worth fighting. He thinks it’s hilarious to take it off.

He’s ONE! Is this normal? I didn’t expect a lot of this for at least another year or two!!

We already feel like we’ve over-used he word “no”. He repeated it back to me today along with shaking his head no. The other night he was being so obviously disrespectful, that we put him in his crib for a 1 minute time out. I try to ignore the little tempers that he throws when we tell him no, but sometimes the crying doesn’t stop! I have no idea if what we’re doing is right or wrong. . . it’s just what we think is best at the time. I want to be consistent and I feel like starting young is probably the best.

I definitely could use some good advice for discipline when it comes to a one year old, along with recommendations for books!

On a more positive note, he really is a GOOD kid. We get compliments all the time about what a good baby he is, so it makes me wonder at times if we’re just too hard on him. Before now, he has always tried to clap our hands with us but today he finally clapped his own hands for the first time. It was pretty stinkin’ cute. He’s a handful at times, but I wouldn’t trade him for the world. His belly laughs and big hugs can usually make everything okay!